Friday, April 29, 2016


I have got to get these sleeping arrangements under control. Every night is a crazed form of musical fucking chairs. We all start in our own beds (baby girl in her bed, middle man in his bed, and J never bothers anyone so he's really a shining star here) but by morning Hubs is in the other bed with middle man, and baby girl with me. If everyone could just chill the hell out and sleep alone I would be a whole new person. You know the type, someone with matching socks and who doesn't leave their keys in the fridge. Any advice on how to fix this is welcome but I'm considering going to a hotel and asking my mother in law to stay with these kids for a week. My God, that sounds great. I'd even stay at that hotel where they found dead hookers a few years ago. I'm sure the smell is gone by now. Even if it hasn't, who the hell cares? Speaking of which...
Middle man refuses to poop in the damn toilet all of a sudden. We were doing this awesome thing where he got a chocolate coin whenever he went. "Poop coins" we called them. Well apparently without poop coins we shit our pants. True story. 
Me: Hey man, why are you pooping your pull up?!?!?
MM: A'cuz, no mo poop toins.
I'm not sure how people survive more than 3 children. Fun fact: I was going to say 2 children then I realized the impending doom I would be putting onto myself and changed it.

I'll finish my first post by adding that it's Prince William and Princess Kate's 5th wedding anniversary. I cried on my couch and told J "that was supposed to be my husband!" He replied "but you love dad, right?" Yeah I guess. But, that love comes with sparkly things, trips all over the world, and nannies. I'll bet Kate's sleeping through the night and giving zero fucks about the status of George's potty training. I'll also bet she bids them "goodnight" while she drinks pinot noir on the royal couch and watches reruns of Seinfeld. Which is totally what I would do. 

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