I'm here to help you through the struggles that come along with parenting with a narcissist. It's a long, hard road but with my 25 tips, you'll be smoothly navigating those rough waters in no time. Here they are:
- YOU
- CAN'T
- CO-PARENT
- WITH
- A
- NARCISSIST
- BECAUSE
- THEY
- ARE
- FUCKING
- CRAZY,
- MANIPULATIVE,
- FUCKS,
- WHO
- DO
- NOT
- GIVE
- A
- CRAP
- ABOUT
- YOUR
- CHILDREN
- AT
- ALL
- ANYMORE!!!
First of all, if you see something like this online, put two and two together and make an assumption. Please stop going to the man or woman that was obviously dumped and/or cheated on and message them with "Hey, is everything ok? I saw that (whoever) changed their profile pic and it took me a second to realize that it wasn't you! Do they have a sister/brother or something?" That shit is exhausting and embarrassing enough as it is. Be a good friend and delete the offending person and MOVE ON! Secondly, MATCHING PROFILE PICTURES? C'mon dude. GROW UP!
So now I've spent the better part of my day and night crying. Because as much as I say I hate this man, I still love him. I don't know if I'll ever stop loving him. But one thing is for sure, the man I'm still in love with does not exist in the body of the man I am co-parenting with. The crying and the sadness all come from missing this man that I remember but haven't seen a shadow of in a long time. That guy was so great and I'd do anything to find him, but I think he died. I told a friend that I'm ashamed that this thing still makes me this sad 11 months later, and she brought up a good point; every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The amount of love and admiration I felt for that man will appear equally as pain and sadness. So if I'm still this sad all this time later, I really really loved him. My love for this person was so real even if he wasn't, and that makes me a good, real person. I miss sending my kids to attack that guy in hugs and smooches (a word he hated). I miss laughing till my stomach hurt. I miss that guy who was my backup when parenting got hard, this new guy cops out and doesn't show for the hard stuff. My middle guy had tonsils and adenoids removed a couple weeks ago, this man tells him "I'll bring you ice cream and we'll play Uno". He called once. He didn't take them for visitation because the kid had pain medication every three hours and heaven forbid this asshole misses some sleep. I haven't slept in a year.
Knowing that I am now forced to share and raise children with this person I don't know, I don't even understand this person's thought process, and I don't agree with what he does, but I have to hand my children over to him for 48 hours a week. Which in my mind is 48 hours too long. I cry just thinking that this is what it is going to be like, me trying to explain how what he is doing isn't good for the kids, and him calling me manipulative and controlling and to quit harassing him. Fuck you, dude. I'll harass you till the end of time. It's not harassment to tell you that for the third night in a row, our son has cried about "dad didn't come to see me. AGAIN!" when he's in pain. So I have to say, "You can tell him you were disappointed next time you talk to him. But I'm here right now." But what I really want to say is "I know. He's such a jerk. I promise you, I wouldn't have chosen him as your father if I knew he would be like this. But I'm here right now, and I don't break promises because I actually love and cherish you." But I can't. I hate this. I didn't want this for my kids. I didn't want this type of person to be in their lives and now I have no choice. There has to be a better way. If I find it, I'll let you know.
What I will say is, despite how mad I am and how much I hate this there are things you just cannot do... You cannot take away visitation from their father unless he is physically or verbally abusing the children. And don't make a mountain out of a molehill when he spanked someone for running in the parking lot, you would do that shit too. Of course, if it is really happening, by all means, do something and FAST! Otherwise, you have to bite your tongue and deal with the way it is. Don't clog up the courts time just because you hate this guy, that shit isn't fair to the people who have real pressing issues, or the court itself. And it makes you look like a raging bitch for trying to keep kids from their dad for no real reason. I feel that my children will eventually realize that he is no good for them and ask to stay away. Or, because he is a narcissist, he'll get bored and leave on his own. Either way, waiting is all you can do. Good luck out there.
